The Colour of Life
by Aloony
Summary: He wished he was more articulate, wished he could speak for the first time in his life. He wished he could make it all go away with pretty words but he couldn't... OneShot. LP. SS. Short. Dark. R&R please.


_Disclaimer: Belongs to whoever owns the Harry Potter business now-a-days. _

_Title: Colour of Life_

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They were in his home, the ghosts of his past lingering in every sad room. She stood before him in the entrance hall, hardly willing to enter more fully, soot still covering her clothes from her travel through the floo. She had been staying at her parents house but had come when he had told her...what he had told her. "You don't understand..." he trailed off pathetically, linking his long white fingers with her graceful, beautiful, freckled ones, the peach coloured skin so amazingly full of life in his corpse-like hands. 

The hands were yanked away and he was forced to bring his eyes to hers, meet the glare, the sadness, the pain and the anger without protection. She knew him too well for him to be able to hide. "Understand what? What you've done? What you plan to do in the future?" She sighed and shook her head, red hair falling into her face, her amazing, happy, lovely face that was so full of such negative emotions. This was what he could give her, pain and betrayal. This was all he could ever give anyone and he knew it, had known it for years. Now she was learning it too. "I can't understand, I want to because I love you and I always have but this is just...Too close to me. In school I ignored it, I forgave even that incident with..." she swallowed, her large green eyes fading with the ghost of memories. He looked down once again, at the floor, at the walls, anywhere but at her. "I can not forgive murder. Severus, I just can't. I should have been a better friend, somehow, to stop you from becoming...this. But I didn't and now I can't forgive you." She was pulling away from him, not just physically but emotionally, wrapping herself in a fog, away from his heart and keeping him away from hers.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, pathetic again. Couldn't he stand up and truly apologize? Or tell her what he really thought, that she was different, other mudbloods were... They were rodents, he was an exterminator and proud of it. Not around her, never could he put such harsh realities upon her. She lived in a different world, where being muggle was all right, not too bad and where they didn't make the world worse by just existing and spawning. Sometimes he had wished to live in that world, around her he always wanted to just give up on his hate, his rage, his fear and grant himself the peace of being with her. He had always searched for knowledge and ignorance was not bliss for him. He couldn't hide from the truth though he would shield her from it for as long as possible. He looked up again and she was watching him with unwavering eyes, full of tears and something much colder than these shards of her sadness.

"Me too. I can see what you think of me, of my kind. I always could. Is it useless, now, to try to fix you?" She was asking herself this question, not taking her eyes from him. He wanted to tell her that he wasn't broken, if only she would wake up they could be together. They could cleanse the world together and live happily. The others would see who she really was, an exception to the other mudbloods, a beautiful specimen of the perfect human and they would all love her for it. Never as much as he loved her. No one would ever love her as much as he did. She only stared at him in silent horror, tears sliding down her stony face. He had said it aloud, just as he had wanted to. He had been too cowardly before. What had changed?

"I can't lose you, " he whispered, this time not shifting his eyes. She shook her head and swallowed convulsively. She looked down and took a deep breath, it was the only sound in the room. Severus wasn't breathing, he was waiting in an excruciating moment separate from the rest of the world, from time. She looked up again, so slowly it seemed to take ages. Her face was showing her torment, it wasn't the blank mask he knew he was showing her, though he wished he was more articulate, wished he could speak for the first time in his life. He wished he could make it all go away with pretty words but he couldn't. Life wasn't pretty, life was bare and empty of happiness, full of pain and anguish and hate.

How he wished it was with hate she was looking at him and not with love. He couldn't handle love when he wished for an answer, a neat little line between them or around them. It was up to her now.

"Severus. You must have known, when you took that mark. You must have known somewhere in your heart, yes, the heart I know you have, that you were making a life-changing decision," she stepped closer, placing her palm on his chest, feeling the wild fluttering underneath the thick black robe. He could feel her when she stood there, so close he wanted to grab her and hold her to him, never let go and will the world away. He leaned his head against hers and closed his eyes in pain when she stepped away again, not bothering to look up. Unable to look up. "You've already lost me. The moment you killed that girl, the moment you formed and agreed with the thought that another human was beneath you, was only a disgusting waste of air, and took it upon yourself to destroy her. You're a murderer." She waited for him to say something, a light pause filled with heavy, unspeakable things. He kept his head bowed, black hair hiding his face and she sighed. "Goodbye, Severus."

She was gone. He knew she was gone and yet he reached out, grabbing at empty cold air and he had never felt so alone and lost in his life. He remembered the blood, how it had filled his hand, dirty blood that he had spilt. So horrible. He thought of the colour of her hair, as red and as dark as that blood but so pure. So beautiful. The colour of the killing curse, after they had destroyed the girl in mind and soul. Final and empty, just as hate was, just as he was. The colour of her eyes, so green as to be glowing, so bright and full of life. So right, to be with her.

And so he was glad, really, when Voldemort struck him down with the same curse that had killed her, with the same curse that he had used countless and forgettable times. He shared the memories with her son, the one who had her eyes but never her spirit. The child of his enemy and the most amazing thing to ever happen to him. So he died, no longer believing in what he had allowed himself to believe and thought was a good reason for allowing her to leave. His life had been as empty and meaningless as he had expected it to be all along, except when he died he knew it was only because he had been without her.

** End**

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_Author's note: Lily and Severus. Ahem. Please review, hope you like it...or at least...don't think it's a waste of space. My customary depression, angst, love lost and hopeless theme. Where do I come up with this stuff? 0.o_

_Aloony_


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